Holes:
It was a hot summers day in the middle of a desert. I and my associates are sweating like pigs, and our clothes are completely drenched where we tried to dry ourselves with water.
We realised that was a bad idea because we are in the middle of the desert and we can’t go in until we’ve dug a hole. Everyone just sat down in fatigue, a strange hissing noise came from a distance. With a loud crunch everyone jumped in fright! Only I of the group went and checked it out for the group’s safe being.
I feel an agonizing pain...
Dan, I love your opening sentence, it really sets the scene for the reader.
ReplyDeleteTarget:
1. The phrase is "well being" not "self being".
Hi Danny,
ReplyDeleteI take it this is Holes by Louis Sachar? If not, I apologise!
You have included some great description in your 100wc. I like the way you have set the scene so clearly; I can really feel the group's sense of tiredness in the desert. Leaving on a cliffhanger is a great way to draw the reader in too - but it might have been better in the past tense (I felt an agonising pain) because the rest of your piece is written using the past tense too.
A great read, well done.
Mr Connor
Hi Dan - I'm really tempted to look up this book; I only hope the original version is as good as your version! Your descriptive language really helps to bring this snapshot of the story alive - it would work well as a blurb as it would really hook the readers in.
ReplyDeleteMr K (Team 100wc)